Since we’ve been in the midst of a rather serious stretch lately, what with detailing the baseball players who’ve made us cry and planning a new piece on the prospects of various hosers for the GOP presidential nod in 2012, it is high time to hearken to another great thrust of Goose Radio. Mules. Well, not exactly, but the poem regarding mules that will soon follow will allow you to partake in one of said thrusts. Boy, the word ‘thrust’ is something. Point being, this is going to help you experience mirth. This mirth will draw you nigh to a general sense of well being.
It is a poem, and it was written by the late, great Josh Billings, the American humorist. It’s called (aptly) “Essa on the Muel”, and we proffer it to you today for the mirth we believe it will elicit….
“The muel is haf hoss and haf Jackass, and then kums to a full stop, natur diskovering her mistake.
Tha weigh more, akordin tu their heft, than enny other kreetur, except a crowbar.
Tha kant hear anny quicker, nor further than the hoss, yet their ears are big enuff for snow shoes.
You kan trust them with enny one whose life ain’t worth more than the muels.
The only wa tu keep them in a paster, is tu turn them into a medder jineing, and let them jump out.
Tha are reddy for use, just as soon as they will du tu abuse.
Tha haint got enny friends, and will live on huckle berry brush, with an ockasional chanse at Kanada thistels.
Tha are a modern invenshun, I don’t think the Bible deludes tu them at tall.
Tha sell for more money than enny other domestik animile. Yu kant tell their age by looking into their mouth, enny more than u kould a Mexican kannons. Tha never hav no dissease that a good club won’t heal.
If tha ever die tha must kum rite tu life agin, for I never herd noboddy sa “ded muel”.
Tha are like sum men, very korrupt at harte; ive known them tu be good muels for 6 months, just tu git a good chance to kick sombody.
I never owned one, nor never mean to, unless there is a United States law passed, requiring it.
Tha only reason why tha are pashunt, is bekause tha are aashamed ov themselves.
I hav seen eddikated muels in a sirkus.
Tha would kick, and bite, tremenjis. I would not sa what I am forced to sa again the muel, if his birth want an outrage, and man want tu blame for it.
Enny man who is willing tu drive a muel, ought to be exempt by law from running for the legislatur.
Tha are the strongest creetures on earth, and heaviest ackording to their size; I herd tell ov one who fell oph from the tow path, on the Eri kanawl, and sunk as soon as he touched bottom, but he kept rite on towing the boat tu the next stashun, breathing thru his ears, which stuck out of the water about 2 feet 6 inches; I didn’t see this did, but an auctioneer told me ov it, and I never knew an auctioneer tu lie unless it was absolutely convenient.”