Obama & Mauer – All You Need to Know about MLB’s All Star Game

Because you know your heart desires it – here’s everything you need to know of tonight’s MLB All Star Game – fashioned to provide you a general sense of well being.

The Pregame - To get things trucking, Fox played a montage of former presidents speaking about pleasant folks who help others. George W. Bush made an appearance! President Bush looked 10 years younger than when last we saw him in office… and he seemed happy! Probably has a lot to do with the fusion of two things Bush loves – baseball and freedom from fire breathing dragons reporters like Helen Thomas.

Ok – National Anthem time. Look at the size of that flag! Sheryl Crow was a little flat there on a couple of notes… she was married to Lance Armstrong once! French people really don’t seem to like Lance very much… oooohhhh PLANES! I think that was a stealth. That’s tremendous.

The Cardinals are paying homage to some of their all time greats tonight. Gotta say that I had no idea Stan Musial was still alive! He still looks pretty spunky.

Here comes the ceremonial first pitch. And there he is – it’s current chief executive Barack Obama trotting to the mound. Health care, cap and trade, and Al Franken fall by the wayside tonight. On a baseball field, the man looks pleasant and affable… decidedly non-liberal. Baseball does odd things to people. More on the president in a two shakes of a donkey’s tail.

The Game: Lots of scoring in the early innings. The American League grabbed a lead quickly with two in the first complete with some goofy fielding involved on the National League side. But the NL came storming back to grab a 3 to 2 lead.

Zach Grienke of the Kansas City Royals pitched the bottom of the fourth for the AL. He’s been a real story early this year (as well as a human being) and showed a bit of that this evening – lots of heat on his fastball and superfluous bit on his breaking pitches.

The NL had lost 11 of their last 12 meetings with the AL, and they didn’t hold their lead on this night for long. Joe Mauer, of the swing that sings (not like Captain Von Trapp from the Sound of Music, but close…), tied the game for the AL in the 5th by doubling to left field.

Albert Pujols didn’t have a great game, but really seems like a classy dude. He clearly loves his town, his fans… and he humbly denied being the best player in the game! That was delightful! He even gave God the credit for pretty much every positive thing he’s ever done. Well played, Albert.

In the eighth, a Baltimore Oriole was heard from! Adam Jones of the orange birds (creatures that still ‘tweet’ without Twitter) punched a sac fly to deep right and the American League went up by one, 4 to 3.

The National League threatened a comeback in their bottom of the eighth against Twins hurler Joe Nathan. After Nathan easily disposed of the first two NL creatures he faced, he grew bored and decided it was neccessary to place two men on base. Upon the conclusion of these festivities, Nathan struck out large man Ryan Howard and the inning ended free of runs charged. That encounter ended up being a sort of hinge upon which the game could have turned. Joe did not allow such things.

The Man Named Mo – Mariano Rivera – was charged with closer duties for the American League. He made a Colorado Rockie named Hawpe look quite foolish while attempting to hit the baseball. It was somewhat emotional, and you couldn’t help feeling badly for the creature. With a lazy fly to short right field that ended up in an American League glove, the night was o’er. No ties, no tears, just a good evening of baseball.

MN Twins Watch: The great Joseph Mauer started the game behind the dish, being elected by the fans to do so. He was also given the honor of batting 3rd in the AL lineup, the spot traditionally reserved for the best hitter on the team. As the Minneapolis Star Tribune notes, he was the first catcher since 1975 to be so honored. His 1st at bat in inning 1 was pretty forgetable. He gently tipped a Tim Lincecum offering right in front of home plate, but reached as the NL chose to go to third for an out and a poor throw from David Wright pulled Whinny-the-Pujols off 1st base. His 2nd at bat was over quickly too as he smacked a Ryan Franklin offering right next to 1st base line that was caught by King Albert Pujuls. 0 for 2 for the great Josephus.

Then came the fifth. With two strikes upon him, Joe decided to hit a baseball the opposite way – a thing he has often done with some success. With two strikes upon him, Mauer laced a game tying double down the left field line. The swing is sweet. That man is an empire. Even if Joe had hit no home runs and not even approached a hit during this All Star week, he would have come out a winner. The whole fruited national tv broadcast plain got to see what an affable, good guy he is. During his home run derby appearance the foulest expression he could conjur after a frustrating at bat was, ‘golly!’. Meanwhile, Prince Fielder was dropping multiple profanities and testing ESPN’s ability to quickly mute the audio on their slightly delayed broadcast.

By the by, Joe’s good friend and fellow Twin (and former AL MVP) Justin Morneau played in the game as a reserve. Is Joe overshadowing him? Well, yes… but consider that Justin is, in fact, Canadian. When you think of the profound geopolitical ironies there, it’s almost poetic justice. But we at GooseRadio support Justin with great fervor as well – and also Canada. Anyway, Justin went 0 for 2 tonight but absolutely clobbered a baseball thrown unto him by Fransisco Rodriguez in the top of the 9th. Phillie Jayson Werth (who is not a horse, but a professional baseball player from Philadelphia) ran like wildfire and chased down Morneau’s flyball for the third out.

Joseph Nathan, the Twins wily closer was also on the team. He got to pitch inning eight for the American League. Their bullpen was pretty acceptable overall, Jonothan Papplebon pitched before Nathan and Mariano River followed him in the ninth. To Adrian Gonzalez of the Padres, Nathan threw a slider down and in that seemed to break a distance approximately equal to the length of the coastline of Barbados. As discussed earlier, there were some shenanegans after that, but Nathan acquitted himself with gusto.

Obama Watch: President Obama managed to say ‘hope’ and then talk about baseball parity during his half inning stint in Fox’s game broadcast booth tonight. Joe Buck suggested that Obama offer the National League a “bailout plan” considering their lack of success in recent All Star contests. Obama responded quickly with, “We’re out of money.” DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?! Ahhh well, we’ll lay off our left wing friend for one night. He did a good job with the first pitch and appears to know quite a bit about baseball.

Additional Potpourri: Doesn’t this smell good? No… this isn’t pleasant, aromatic potpourri… these are assorted comments designed to conjure a general sense of well being within your person.

The seventh inning stretch tonight saw Sarah Evans’ rendition of God Bless America. I don’t really like country music, but her vocal cords were certainly very potent. It was impressive. She was also moving around very demonstratively and the whole effect was very patriotic! Good for you, Sarah.

I normally spend a good deal of Fox baseball broadcasts lamenting the fact that the munificent Bob Costas is nowhere to be found, but the game was just so cool tonight that I actually didn’t mind them too much. Joe Buck was more compelling than I remember him being. Of course, I noticed it helps if the team you’re cheering for wins.

In closing, tonight’s game reminds us that baseball is really quite beautiful. If baseball were a woman, she would be beautiful. Confusing, perplexing, but infinitely worth chasing. And she wouldn’t be a loose woman either. So there you go.