Favre Loves The Vikes, but Just Wants to be Friends

Brett Favre has decided to remain retired, eschewing a chance to start for the Minnesota Vikings in favor of filming Wrangler jean commercials. The former Green Bay Packer star had led Minnesota on in the fashion of a junior-high dalliance (does Brad Childress like me in his offensive set? Check yes or no), but ultimately returned to the solitude of Mississippi tractors and the memory of Mary.

The Star Tribune first reported that Favre contacted the Vikings on Tuesday – he will continue his now one-year-plus retirement that has had fits and jumps (Lambeau leaps?) since he tearfully said goodbye after the 2007 season to a state of mourning cheeseheads.

Since he wet that Wisconsin podium, he has played a full season with the New York Jets. Favre also had surgery in the spring, which led many in Minnesota to speculate that the NFL’s all-time leader in interceptions (and touchdowns, passing yards, completions and attempts) would soon join the purple and gold.

Those folks neglected to remember that Favre is sneaky: just when you think he’s gonna zig, he zags … and then throws the ball into triple coverage. He is, or was, revered in Wisconsin, and playing for the Jets is very different than playing for the Packers’ hated rivals.

Alas, rushing stud Adrian Peterson will be left to hold up the Vikes’ offense on his own. Minnesota’s defense is set, and with Peterson entering a prime year of a running back’s career (2, 3, 5, 7, 11…), Favre’s ability to complete a deep route was enough to make Minnesota fans forget about the fact that The Gunslinger didn’t earn his nickname from actually slinging guns (don’t try it at home, kids!). His teams have died ugly football deaths due to Favre’s insistence on putting the ball where it shouldn’t be: in the hands of the other team.

The bright side for Star and Sickle copy editors is that the Minnesota depth chart doesn’t include the triple-headed spelling nightmare of Sage Rosenfels, Tarvaris Jackson and Favre. The dark side for Minnesota fans is that the Minnesota depth chart still includes Rosenfels and Jackson. Jackson, I suppose, will enter camp as the incumbent favorite, but in a state that has elected an entertainer and an idiot in the last 15 years (I’ll let you guess which one is which), you never know what will happen.

If Childress is in the market for old, past-their-prime field generals, I bet Randall Cunningham is just waiting by his phone.

And Favre? He will probably remain the Meg Ryan of “retired” quarterbacks: living on past glory in a body that’s showing its age, working intermittently with people who try to pretend it’s 1995.

But wasn’t You’ve Got Mail great?

David Gregory is a freelance writer and recent graduate of Northwestern College in Saint Paul. If you say anything negative… or even think anything negative regarding the North Carolina Tar Heels… he will probably locate you. Feel free to let him know what you think of Mr. Favre’s decision below.