The Curious Case of Ayla Brown

The national political scene was thrown squarely upon its crown last eve, when upstart GOPer Scott Brown won a senate seat in the most liberal state in the country formerly held for half a century by Ted Kennedy we learned that Massachusetts Senator-Elect Scott Brown has two extremely cute daughters. Rarely does a newly elected national figure / giant killer use his first moments on the public stage to make the comment that his daughters are ‘available’. Scratch that – just the tall one?

Since Mr. Brown notified the nation that his daughter is someone we ought to consider a relationship with, how could we turn away from analyzing the prospect? It would be frankly irresponsible. So. Let us ponder whether or nay you should invest your heart in pursuing Miss Ayla Brown.

The first thing to consider here is that she is tall and athletic. She is so gifted in the field (court, whatever…) of basketball, that she played for Boston College. This seems super nice at first, but… keep in mind that it could potentially prove dangerous. Imagine for a moment that you’re out with the young lady, and she teases you. Just imagine. Now, that’s all good, because she could say you looked like a refrigerator and it wouldn’t diminish your affection for her. However, she might attempt to punctuate this jibe with a playful jab to your shoulder (we’re told athletic girls do this at times). She doesn’t mean to be bellicose, but because she is so strong, she will knock you down. On the ground. The floor. What have you. According to the babynamesocean.com, the name ‘Ayla’ is Hebrew for “mighty Oak Tree”. Think on that.

One additional caution on that – tall athletes are rumored to be strong and unhappy. They are unhappy because they are in shape – thus requiring them to spend endless (and, we’re told) painful hours in buildings allegedly termed gymnasiums and work out facilities (?). This can apparently lead to sudden bouts of extreme moodiness and general rancor.

Moving on, not only is Ayla Brown a pretty young woman – she is also apparently a talented singer. It seems that she was a contestant on a fairly well known talent program… something about worshiping golden calves and Ryan Seacrest?!

In addition to her TV fame, she starred in a presentation of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. This is impressive! There is a singing, dancing camel in that show! Buuutt… there could be red flags here as well…

Do you know who the most famous dude ever cast as Joseph in aforementioned stage affair was? Donny Osmond. And do you know what Donny Osmond’s publicist once advised him to do? Make people think he was having problems with substance abuse so people would think he was more ‘with it’! Clearly, this connection establishes that Ayla’s publicist may someday tell her to do the same. Food for thought there.

Lots of great qualities, a pretty sweet Hebrew name, but some terrifying possibilities – such is the story of this week’s most famous single, Republican daughter – Miss Ayla Brown.

The good news is that you probably don’t need to spend a great amount of time philosophizing over whether you should attempt to win her heart as the chances of such a victory are akin to those of Keith Olberman offering a warm, bearhug-ish embrace to James Dobson.

Then again, there really was no chance that a little known, pickup truck driving state senator was going to beat the Democrat machine & storied Kennedy legacy to win a Massachusetts senate seat either. Hmmmm.

Follow Ayla on twitter here, on Facebook here, and visit her official website here.

Update: The Boston Herald reports that, according to Miss Brown, Ayla’s dad asked Governor Mitt Romney if he ‘had any more sons he could sell me to’. That is the funniest thing I have heard all week.