The Falklands – What the Heck, Hillary?!

I have a confession to make. For much of the past 5 years I’ve been secretly rooting for Hillary Clinton.

British Soldiers Retaking the Falklands - BBC

Don’t be sad… or mad… or… disappointed. I can explain. Having Hillary as the Democrat nominee in 08 would have given the Republicans a truly gorgeous opportunity to win in spite of all that seemed to be collapsing around them. Perhaps even enough of a chance for Yosemite Sam (Senator McCain) to sneak into the Oval Office. Hillary doing well was darn good for Conservatism and Common Sense and stuff.

Well that stops today. In her new capacity as Secretary of State and mouthpiece for the United States (it hurts so good), Hillary this week did something buffoon-ish in Argentina. I feel bad for Mark Sanford phrasing it that way…

Hillary stopped by the blissful Argentine capital of Buenos Aires to have a heart to heart with President Cristina Kirchner. This young woman has recently been expressing her anger towards our old pals and motherland Great Britain. She is displeased that the Brits are beginning to drill oil off shore of the Falkland Islands – a British overseas possession off Argentina’s southern coast. She’s been so displeased that she called on all South America and the UN to unite and force Britain to sit down with her and talk. And by the way – she believes the Argentines own the Falklands.

It’s hardly a new idea for these folks. They attempted to take the islands, home to just over 3,100 people and 500,000 sheep, by force in 1982. Things did not go well for Argentina, as British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher (who was instrumental in the invention of soft serve ice cream as GooseRadio’s Tim Shaw reminded me this week) sent the UK’s navy and air force to show the Argentines the way out.

Since being bludgeoned in this fashion by the Iron Lady, Argentina has undertaken a less risky PR campaign to get the rest of the world to see that old, cranky Britain really ought to sit down with poor, wounded Argentina and talk… about giving the Falklands to Argentina. Britain has indicated it has nothing to discuss, and that the folks – and presumably, the sheep (who are 70% British ethnically [the people... not the sheep]) want to continue being British. President Kirchner has taken up the cause of complaining about this with more zest than her recent presidential predecessors – particularly since the oil experts started estimating the millions of barrels of petroleum off the banks of the islands.

This then, was the backdrop for Hillary being asked where the US stands on all this in her press conference with Kirchner on Monday. Quoth Hillary in response:

We would like to see Argentina and the United Kingdom sit down and resolve the issues between them across the table in a peaceful, productive way…. we want very much to encourage both countries to sit down. Now, we cannot make either one do so, but we think it is the right way to proceed. So we will be saying this publicly, as I have been, and we will continue to encourage exactly the kind of discussion across the table that needs to take place.

Hold on just a second there Hillary Rodham (you don’t hear that ‘Rodham’ much anymore… I miss it). The discussions that Kirchner wants are about getting Argentina some Falklands oil and getting the islands themselves.  The Falklands don’t WANT to be part of any negotiation. They don’t WANT to be a part of Argentina. They want to be tea drinking, sheep herding British people – as has been communicated overwhelmingly time and time again in opinion polls taken there. What are you encouraging the two sides to discuss?! Negotiation involves give and take. What on earth should Britain give Argentina?

Even if there was some shred of a legitimate question as to what should be done – and there isn’t – how can you deliberately go against the decades old policy of America’s greatest, closest ally… in its own territory? It’s just stupefying! Imagine if London tapped the US on the shoulder and encouraged us to sit down with someone who wanted a piece of Puerto Rico. We would absolutely flip. Yet after all that Great Britain has done, standing shoulder to shoulder with the US in every significant world crisis for a hundred and fifty years, we sell them out with the a smile and a shrug of our Secretary of State’s pantsuit – clad shoulders.

There’s been a good deal of credence given to the theory that the only reason the Argentine President is suddenly caring about the Falklands lies in her hopeless poll numbers across her country. The thinking goes – she’s trying to tap into a well spring of national gusto and pride by battling it out (figuratively speaking) with mighty, imperialist England. If that’s true – perhaps the Obama administration can’t help but respect a government that so shamelessly crafts its policies based on public opinion polling.